I don’t get as many yoghurt advert castings as you might think, which is weird because I can imagine me advertising yoghurt, you know? Not to show off but I’m sure I would be a plucky candidate for this because I really believe in it as a product. I’ve certainly eaten my fair share in this lifetime, and God knows what I was up to in the other lifetimes, because in one of them, according to Psychic Terry, I was a farmer, so it certainly seems plausible I could have totally got behind the yoghurt lifestyle, even then.
So, I approached these companies to find out more. But as some of you will know, the thing about yoggie companies is – they are either lazy, or busy making yoghurts – depending on your belief system.
Also they’re not as creative as you might think. So I have designed the whole advert so it is easier for their milky little brains to imagine.
So here’s my advert slash pop song for yoggs. Think of it as an opera scaled down for obvious reasons; one being that opera is not as popular as yoghurt.
OK, here goes (you have to imagine a large scale musical production with a set and (fingers crossed) someone on the piano (but you don’t see much of them).
MAN: In a dramatic downbeat pose: ‘Sometimes my stomach’s so bloated I feel like giving up’
WOMAN: Coming in and walking backwards clicking her fingers: ‘Don’t give up, don’t ever give up. I know the thing for you…. wassup?’
MAN: ‘You don’t understand me – you’re in a different gender, age & socio-economic bracket to me for starters…’
WOMAN: ‘Oh yeah, well I knew a fellow just like you – he had bloating, candida and foot problems. He had a yoggi or two and everything sorted itself out (apart from the foot problems). But you can be pigheaded if you must – I’ll be on my way with my yoghurts.’ (She dangles the yoghurts away from him, in a taunting yet confident manner).
MAN: Big moment of realisation: WAIT A MINUTE, let. Me. Try. These. Yoghurts. You. Mention…
Sung as the narrator: And you know what his stomach got beeeetttter and his relationship with his wife improved. And all from this good bacteria, KEEP BELIEVING! He also now has the confidence to sort out his foot problems!