I have developed an allergy to alcohol which is a bit of a damp dog.

I can sometimes have 2 drinks, but any more and I get queasy.  I had sort of stopped drinking after a few ‘incidents’ anyway.  I can’t really be trusted not to turn in to a total moron.  So I knocked it on the bonce after Edinburgh 2008. That was after I did a free fringe show every night in the pub called “Look How Twatted I Can Get.”  Very much a live installation art piece.

But now I am older and wiser, it would be nice to have more than 3 drinks on special occasions without getting a hangover WHILE I am drinking.

Allergic to alcohol – what a turn up – couldn’t I just be allergic to penicillin? Or a certain brand of washing powder?

I’m holding a meeting with my body in case we can compromise;

“Look body – let’s just both get what we need out of this.  I would like to be able to have 4 to 5 drinks. OK?  That’s all – once a week – I promise I won’t act like an idiot and do anything like I did before”.

“Yeah but you said that last time.”

“But that was ages ago – years ago.  I’ve changed; I eat in Fresh and Wild now and take supplements.  I read more now.”

“What about when you broke my finger.”

“Yes, but I wasn’t drunk then?”

“Yes but it still hurt”.

“OK, fair enough.  Do you like elderflower water”

“Yes”

“Well, I’ll drink to that.  Now, lets get you out of those wet clothes.”

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